In my hometown is a man I have come to know via the local poetry circuit.
Upon first noticing Masayuki Tanabe about 20 years ago, part of a small group of poets who met once a month in a cafe, I was struck by how sad he seemed. He was so very withdrawn, and when it was his turn to present his poems, he sometimes asked someone else to read them for him. Eventually he read his own, but quietly and barely looking up.
I didn’t realize at the time, but he and I shared something in common: we had both been traumatized by years of bullying at school. These kind of experiences manifest in myriad ways and echo down through the years. For some of us, there comes an event, or series of events, that help to heal past hurts.
Today, Masayuki is a cheerful, generous and open person. He smiles easily, is happily married and is a prolific poet. His main topics are social issues such as war & strife, the environment and poems of love for his wife.
His most recent poem, below, is one of several in which I’ve witnessed Masayuki’s deep thoughts about the past and how he has come to terms with his scars and moved on. This is a remarkable piece of writing – to my mind, cathartic in itself.
TO MY ABUSER
10 years ago
These were some of the words
In my journal
“Mr. Bully because of you
I am always black and blue
Because of you my soul is gushing blood
Like it has been gutted
Because of you I am terrified
To get an education
Because of you my nights
Are plagued with nightmares
About you beating me to a pulp
And urinating on me
In the school yard”
But I am no longer that horrified kid
Who constantly handed you
His lunch money
And dreamed of the ultimate revenge
With an AR 15
I am a hyacinth that has triumphantly
Emerged from the dirt
I am a man who only fears the Lord
I have a wife whose inner
And outer beauty
Is unparalleled
I have myriad wonderful friends
I have a job that I love
I am truly living
I am no longer consumed
By the inferno of hatred for you
I wish you all the best
I pray for you every day
I pray for your rebirth in prison
I pray that you vanquish
The demons of the past
That horrifically torture you
In your sleep
Like me you did not deserve
The insane cruelty inflicted upon you
I pray that you decide
To stop being a victim
I ceased being one
With God’s help
I now consider myself a survivor
I forgive you
I pray that you do the same
For your abuser
I pray that we meet in heaven
Someday you will be with Jesus
In Elysium
If you choose to walk
In the radiant light of redemption.